True Love Makes Us Whole by Graham Cooke

Setting people free is the core of true love. The true wisdom of love and freedom is this: “If you love something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.” Love desires freedom and the need to be trusted. If we do not learn to love openly and without fear then the objects of our affection will struggle in their relationship with us. Love gives permission for people to explore their life and identity and to make mistakes in the process. Whenever we do something for the first time, we cannot make a mistake because we haven’t done this before. Therefore we can only learn from what happened. Then we must make an adjustment and try again.

If we do not adjust, but make the same attempt with the same result, then that is a clear mistake. If we continue doing the same thing then a pattern of behavior emerges. With that pattern, we develop a history that will need to be redeemed. A history and a pattern of behavior are two different things. The pattern is the cause; the history is the effect. In relationships, the pattern of behavior is the responsibility of the offender, while the history is in the control of the one not blessed.

Forgiveness is a major part of our own breakthrough and therefore must be done for our sake as a priority. It cannot be demanded of us. Often forgiveness is a process in itself. Without forgiveness there can be no trust and a true expression of love is impossible. People must not be shamed into forgiving. If it is not readily accessible then it will be a process that is designed to produce healing in the one who is wounded. Love values wholeness.

Sometimes history can be forgiven relatively easily, but we still have to live with the pattern in someone’s behavior, until it changes. If it does not change then history will be repeated and we are back to square one in the relationship. When a person does not take steps to change their pattern of behavior, then trust is the casualty.

There is given trust and gained trust. The first is the province of the one wounded. The burden for the second is on the behavior of the one offending. It does not matter which one starts first; both parties are responsible for being who they want to be in the situation. They do not have to start in the same place, but can grow independently and then reconnect later. Every human situation is different.

When we change our pattern of behavior it is not just to win someone back. It is because we are choosing to be a different man or woman. Change must primarily be for our sake or it cannot last the course or pass the tests of time and behavior. All relationships are tested by events; that is how we grow in love, patience, goodness, faithfulness, and trust.

Part of the adjustments that we make is founded on good loving questions that we must ask others and ourselves. Some of my best (not necessarily favorite!) questions are as follows:

What is it that you believe about yourself that makes you act in this way?
What is it that you think about me (her, him, them) that makes you imagine that this behavior is acceptable?
How do you see me (her, him, them) that makes you feel that your behavior is justifiable?
How do you plan to restore trust in this relationship?

When a person is behaving in a way that is self destructive, injurious to others, and without proper consideration, then we must determine a place to start for recovery. Asking the right questions will provide a clearing in the woods, space to breathe, and the possibility for new direction to be received.

We must be careful not to get caught up in this behavior too, while at the same time we want the pattern to be interrupted. Love seeks freedom. If we are the victims of that pattern we must seek the freedom to be loved properly, and to have our own actions defined by love. In the clearing we establish parameters that allow love to be restored if not initially, then eventually. That will depend upon how much trust is in the emotional bank account.

We can accept a person without approving of their behavior. God does that all the time. There is a process even with Him that allows us to become transformed. The first stage is Godly sorrow that leads to repentance. Thinking differently, and then acting in line with that change of perception, is the beginning of repentance. The end of repentance occurs when trust has been restored and transformation achieved. That can be a lengthy process that will involve reconciliation (trust given) and hopefully restoration of relationship (trust regained).

Repentance must have a conclusion or it is not complete. The beginning of repentance is only the start. There is no breakthrough without follow through. Many people have a desire for the end result or repentance, but no regard for the process that guarantees it. The gap between aspiration and achievement can only be filled by development. Given trust can play a part that allows for reconciliation. However, only gained trust can complete the repentance required for restoration.

Sometimes letting someone know you love them, regardless of what they do, is the very thing that will cause them to turn around, although there are no guarantees. Love is never a doormat. Though we may choose to sacrifice for the cause of love, we can never be victims for the sake of it. Love that does not make us whole is no love at all.
-Graham Cooke

The Restorative Heart of God by Charlene Hughes

3/9/07 The Restorative Heart of God by Charlene Hughes Restoration is defined as: the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment; a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition; restitution of something taken away or lost; a putting back into a former position, dignity, etc.  To restore means to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor; to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).  These definitions clearly illustrate the heart of our Heavenly Father – He is a God of restoration.  Ever since the Fall of humanity, God has been working to restore all things to their former unimpaired condition.  This theme can be seen throughout Scripture … the restoration of Job’s fortunes after his testing, the rebuilding of Solomon’s temple, the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem, the reconciliation of Joseph to his family and Peter to Christ after his denial. Whether the restoration of humanity will be fully realized before or after the second coming of Christ is a subject for another discussion – I personally believe there is both evidence and promise in Scripture to indicate that His desire is to do just that.  Jesus who said: “Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father,” demonstrated the Father’s heart in restoring broken people through His ministry of healing and deliverance, and instructed His disciples to go and do likewise (Matt. 10:5-8; Mark 16:17).  The disciples seemed to have had an understanding of this concept when they questioned Him in one of His post-resurrection appearances, “Lord, are You at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:6) Prior to the Fall, God had given Adam and Eve authority and dominion over all the earth. (Gen. 1:28)  After Jesus’ death and resurrection, He once again restored to every believer what our ancestors had given up to the enemy. Jesus said: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matt. 28:18-20)  The Apostle John stated, “The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” (1 John 3:8)  It took only a few centuries after Jesus’ death for our ancestors to lose much of the truth and significance of what He taught.  God has been gradually restoring to us the powerful truths of Scripture since the Dark Ages, and that restoration is continuing to the present time.  I recently read a statement that reflected this: “Ever since the dark ages, God has been restoring Truth to the Church in order to get us back to the place of fullness where we can actually rule and reign in the world rather than be dominated by the very things we are to have victory over.”  One of my favorite passages of Scripture, I believe, states God’s ultimate purpose in restoration.  It is also the first Scripture that Jesus quoted when He stood in the synagogue, announcing His purpose for coming to earth. “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…” (Isaiah 61:1). This is the first part of the restoration process – destroying the work of the devil in people’s lives.  This destruction of the enemy’s work is further detailed in verses 2 – 3.  Then in verse 4, God talks about those who are healed and delivered from darkness. He says: “They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.”  In other words – healed and transformed people will transform entire cities, which will result in transformed nations! His desire is for humanity to once again be as He originally intended. But how? He taught His disciples to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matt. 6:10) The Father’s heart is to see the Kingdom restored to earth with all its beauty and power. We know that heaven is perfect – there is no sickness, poverty, oppression, evil, pain, or suffering there – and Jesus showed us that His Father’s will never changes. Abundant life filled with freedom and perfection is the way it was before the Fall, the way God always intended it to be, and the way He longs for it to be today. As Christians it is our great privilege and responsibility through prayer and intercession to call forth that perfect Kingdom into the lives of those who are oppressed by circumstances, sickness, or the enemy of our souls.  It is one of the parts we are called to play in this process of restoration. The other is intimacy, and we can’t have one without the other.  In the garden of Eden, we know that Adam and Eve had perfect communion and intimacy with the Heavenly Father.  He created us for that very purpose, and He is working to restore us to the place where we can once again have that same unhindered, unbroken fellowship.  I sincerely believe it is the greatest longing of His heart. Think about it – there is nothing we can give Him that He needs – He is God and He can do whatever He pleases!  What He yearns for is US! He came to earth as a man for one purpose … so we could be reconciled to Him. He then sent His Spirit to live in us that we might overcome the power of sin, which is what separated us from Him in the first place.  When we come into the life altering revelation of this heart longing He has for us, it moves us to press in and overcome the barriers that stand in the way of knowing Him more deeply and intimately.  (Phil. 3:10-14)  As we come to realize that He is truly for us and not against us –that He longs to bless us and not judge us, we are drawn to Him by His unfathomable love. He then draws near to us. (James 4:8)  We must have a revelation – an experiential knowledge – of this love, if we are to be genuinely transformed.  Knowledge contained in our minds, but not our hearts, will never change us. Deep intimacy with the lover of our souls is one of the most exciting things God is teaching us right now. Adam and Eve experienced the beauty and wonder of His sweet fellowship every day until they sinned – and He is wooing us back to that place through the process of restoration. I am continually amazed at how broken the Body of Christ is right now.  In our ministry of restoration, we see mostly Christians – many who have grown up in Church – and yet they have no real relationship with their Heavenly Father.  For the most part, they fear they have sinned one too many times, and that God is thoroughly disgusted with them and wants nothing to do with them.  They believe the lie that all the struggles they go through are punishment from an angry God – One who demands perfection and unending service in order to be appeased.  Each time I hear their stories, I am more and more aware of the deep grieving of our Abba Father.  He has been severely misrepresented by many who call themselves by His name.  I have heard it said that Christians are the only group who kill their own wounded, and sadly, the stories I’ve heard bear witness to that statement.  The reason is that those who have tried to represent Him – most with good intentions – were wounded themselves and could only give to others what was inside of them.  You’ve probably heard the phrase, “wounded people wound people”. It is true. It is time for us to get healed, restored, and become what God created us to be … His beautiful bride.  Our soon coming King is returning for “a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Eph. 5:27)  In speaking of the Bride, the Holy Spirit said, “For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.” (Rev. 19:7)  He has made every provision for our healing and freedom; He longs for us to believe it and receive it.  Let’s truly honor and glorify Him by giving Him what He paid for!

 

 

A Season for Grace, Not Despair by Garris Elkins

Garris Elkins:
This is a Season for Words of Grace, Not Despair, to Begin Falling from the Lips of God’s Church
Recently, I read an article from Central Oregon about the despair hitting the business community over financial losses in this economic downturn. And as I meet with pastors and leaders, I am finding that many ministries are facing some of the most trying times in memory. Some families are now faced with hard and painful decisions about the homes they once thought they would live in forever. There is a spirit of despair prowling our land.

The definition of “despair” is formed from two words. One part of despair means “the point that something begins”—in other words, a trigger event. The other part of the word means, “to feel like you have no way out.” Despair is not just a general malaise. Despair originates with certain events and begins to tell a person that there is no way out. The person afflicted by despair begins to feel hopeless.

“We are Pressed, But Not Crushed”

In 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 Paul  addresses despair and the circumstances that surround it: “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”

Paul described us as “fragile clay jars.” Alone, we could easily collapse under the pressure; but because God’s Spirit lives within us, external pressure—no matter how intense—cannot crush our lives. Paul said in verse 7 that this picture of a fragile clay jar filled with God’s presence is a very clear witness to the world that the power to remain uncrushed is from God, not from ourselves. This is one of our most powerful testimonies.

“I Believed, So I Spoke”

Paul provides a way to defeat the spirit of despair in 2 Corinthians 4:13-18: “But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself together with you. All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

Verse 13 says, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” This means that words of faith can be spoken no matter what the pain or pressure of my despair feels like. This instruction to speak words of belief came after words like “pressed,” “perplexed,” “crushed,” “hunted down” and “knocked down” were used to describe conditions in the early Church. Words of belief will always trump our feelings of despair. We are able to speak these words of life because we are linked to the Resurrected One.

Paul went on to say that our reason for not giving up (vs. 15 & 16) is the provision of God’s grace that reaches more and more people. When this grace comes to us, it does battle against our despair. For example, when we were trapped in the despair of our sin, Christ came and redeemed us in the greatest act of grace ever demonstrated—the Cross. Grace has always destroyed despair and will continue to do so until Christ returns.

The children of Israel failed to enter the Promised Land because they complained in the privacy of their tents as recorded in Deuteronomy 1:27. They said God hated them and that He brought them to this place in the wilderness to die. Then the road map for the next 40 years of Israel’s wilderness wanderings were charted behind the closed doors of their homes with the ink and pen of faithless words spoken in despair.

This is a season for words of grace, not despair, to begin falling from the lips of God’s Church. Words of death will hurt us, and, unless repented of, these words will return to bite us. If you have found yourself yielding to despair and speaking death to your future, confess it as sin and let God’s grace re-craft a new response to your circumstances.

How to Defeat the Spirit of Despair
How is the spirit of despair defeated? Paul gave us the solution in verse 18: “We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.” We aren’t supposed to fixate on the despair-producing events that surround us, but on an imagery this world cannot produce. If what we speak about each day are the events that produced the despair in the first place, then the controlling environment in our lives will be despair. We have a choice of what we fix our eyes upon. Spirit-empowered sight produces Spirit-empowered words.

One of the missing elements in the Church today is an eternal perspective. Someday you and I will live between a new Heaven and a new earth. We will walk upon an earth that no longer groans in sorrow for what it once was. We will experience the beauty of Eden. We will also worship around God’s throne in the beauty of holiness. Gaining an eternal perspective is the greatest equalizer to the inequities of this life.

When we fix our eyes on the unseen world of eternity, we see what we will become. Our calling, as God’s Spirit-empowered Church, is to capture a vision of eternity and bring it back into this world and speak it out. This kind of eternal language, the language of the prophet, is many times mocked because it sounds other-worldly. It is!

Living for the New Dawn
Last week, I hiked up on top of a mountain near my home to pray in the dawn. I arrived about 10 minutes before the sun actually crested the horizon. As the sun climbed up the other side of the mountain, the day began to get brighter and brighter until the full dawn exploded into my view.

I had the beginnings of this word about “despair” that I am writing to you now in my heart as I watched the new dawn emerge. Prior to the actual dawn, I recalled the unresolved issues I went to bed with the night before and the upcoming issues I needed to face in the new day. As I remembered all these things that needed my attention, I found that my vision was beginning to focus on the new day in an ever-increasing way. I was living for the new dawn. Somehow the issues of life facing me were diminishing in their urgency.

If you are living in despair, I would suggest you do something that will destroy the power despair might have in your life. Grab hold of the trigger event of despair in your life. Maybe your ministry is facing a financial drain—take hold of it. Maybe your family is about to lose your home—take hold of it. Maybe the one you loved left you and you are now alone—take hold of it.

Now, fix your eyes on the horizon of eternity that is beyond your despair. As you hold despair in your grip, look into the unseen realm of eternity and allow God’s Spirit to download your eternal destination to you. Speak about what you see and the person you are destined to become. Begin to speak words of life over your feelings of despair. As you speak these new words of life, you will sense the controlling power of despair begin to diminish. Each time despair wants to raise its head, take hold of it and deal with it from an eternal perspective, and soon it will flee from you.

Garris Elkins, Senior Leader
Living Waters Church – Medford, Oregon
Email: info@livingwatersmedford.org